Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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