I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
