You made me cry and you don't even care
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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