My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
