u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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