In the future we'll all be gay
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
