Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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