It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
