he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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