but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
