it was like his penis was on wheels.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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