Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
