he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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