You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
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there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
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I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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