i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
