I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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