A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
