Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
they're staring at me
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE