Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
