Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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