i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
