i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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