i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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