There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
