my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
