She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
That was before I lit my hair on fire
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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