Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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