yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
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Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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