When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
