Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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