i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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