She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
