I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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