Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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