I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
