I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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