I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
