hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
