lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
did you just send me my own nude
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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