I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
