i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
