You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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