What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I am one with the molecules
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
