he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
