I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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