it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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