i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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