Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
True college students do jello shots in the library
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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