Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
