I could make wine with my vomit
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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