Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
