Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
