I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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