The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
