I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
