Moan for me like Helen Keller
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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