so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
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No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
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Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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