Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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