I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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