I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Michael Bay diarrhea
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
